I know I have been very slack in posting lately. I have been having a rough go of it. For whatever reason, I am more tired now than I was right after surgery! Last Thursday, I even felt like I had the flu! I woke up feeling pukey and ached ALL over. Still not 100%, but getting there I guess. I received a beautiful necklace from Dana Marie as a Spirit Jumper gift. I love it. I grabbed my cell n took a picture to send to some people. I feel honored to receive such a special and heartfelt gift. It really warmed me up.

Wow, it's been a while! I have really been doing too much lately. My hard head showing thru. My sweetest former neighbor whom I miss dearly brought us some yummy lasagna and bread for dinner Wednesday. What a help. It was Brook's first night back to work, and I really wasnt in the mood to cook. I got some Christmas shopping done Friday, boy that was tiring. Saturday DD1 had a performance at the mall for her Step Club, and today she is going to be in the Mechanicsville Christmas Parade today. I am very excited. We go every year and always have a good time. This year will just be even better! I just hope I can make it through it all without overdoing it. Maybe I will even figure out a way to add a picture to the next post! TTFN

OK folks, I am home! Wow. Let me just say when woke up in recovery.....well, a mac truck hitting me would have felt better. My surgery was set for 730 AM Wednesday, and I think I went back pretty close to that. When I woke up, I felt like shit! My back was killing me, my throat was like sandpaper, and I was fitted with a catheter that made me feel like I had to pee every 5 seconds. Oh, and I was starving. My first nurse was Pat, and she was a BITCH! Every time I would push the red button, it would take her 30-40 minutes to come to my room. She would not remove my catheter, would not let me get out of bed, would not let me have ANYTHING other than ice chips, and the pad she "put on me" was just shoved between my legs, I didn't even have underwear on! Needless to say at 3 when Veronica came on I was much happier. I wrestled with nausea the rest of the day. Every time I sat up too quick I would vomit. Veronica hooked some phenegrin to my IV, and I felt much better. Thursday morning my nurse Shannon brought me some cereal to tide me over until breakfast came. I was able to keep it down! During the night, Noelle (overninght nurse) took my cath out, and had already been to the bathroom 3 times! yippie! Plus, they had given me some undies to put my pad in! Never had I been so excited for panties. I am home comfy, but pooped. I am going to go nap. I will post more soon! TTFN

The big day is tomorrow! I have to be at the hospital at 545AM! Holy smokes. Not only do I never get up that early without coffee (which of course I can't have) but now my kids have to spend the night with G-MA so they can get to school in the morning. I know "nesting" kicks in when your about to give birth, you know when you run around cleaning and preparing? I don't however understand why it hit me tonight. I have vacuumed the entire house, swept the kitchen floor, loaded the dishwasher, folded 2 loads of laundry, and responded to text messages and voice mails all in the hour it took my hubby to drop the kids off! Now I am so tired I don't think I will have any problems sleeping tonight! Thanks to all the well wishes and prayers. I hope to feel up to posting soon. TTFN

Tick Tock, Hickory Dickory Dock. There are only 3.5 days left until my surgery! I met with the Oncologist for my 2nd opinion Friday, and he made me feel much better but also new things to be scared about. He stated he was very happy my pathologist was who she is, and if any Doc had to perform vaginal surgery, I was lucky to have my Doc. However, he explained to me that one of the 2 types I have jumps from place to place, so we wont know the "real" severity of the issue until after the surgery and my path results come back. I am hoping for the best, but anticipating the ucky stuff, just to be on the safe side. Besides, when I do it I do it right! I am enjoying this weekend with my girls. Last night my BFF came over with my nieces and we watched Kung Fu Panda (pretty cute, but could have been better). Today we went to Williamsburg to surprise Monet on her 40th birthday. Her husband put together a surprise party, and I think she was quite pleased. Her Mom and 1 Sis in Louisiana came, as well as her other Sis in Cali. It was great. Tomorrow should be calmer! TTFN

Hey there!~ Thanks for your patience. I was elated today to find out my Michelle was reading my blog! I know I am awful at returning calls, but I appreciate the voice mails left! Just when I thought things were starting to smooth out, BAM. Today I was informed by my J O B that I was being demoted, but hey, I should be happy that I still have a job. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? As I informed my NEW boss, I have been trying to see the bright side for the last 2 months, and frankly I am freaken over it! No longer am I salary, but hourly. My boss is now a regional employee and I now report to someone different. The people I have helped over see and advise for the last 4 years are now my team! UGH!!! Will it ever get easier??? This is my D-Day weekend. So much to do, most of which is getting my house in order before the big day. Oh yeh, did I mention my husband left to go hunting? Doing it all on my own as normal :) Time to get the kids ready for bed. TTFN!

TGIF! Happy Friday. Work dragged on forever today. I am still trying to decide if I want to take the girls to Williamsburg to see Santa this weekend. He arrives at the Yankee Candle Store on Saturday. We really like him best, he has a real beard! It snows in the store, and there are usually crafts n such. We have a blast. Cant wait until dinner, I am STARVING. I am still rubber balling when it comes to the surgery. Excited/scared all at the same time. Very odd to go through.

I GOT THE CALL! My surgery is scheduled for Wednesday, November 26th. Thats right, the day before Thanksgiving. I guess that means I dont have to cook! My sister is doing some work for a lawyer, and she called me today and told me that this lawyer (Nancy) has offered to draw up a living will and power of attorney for me Pro Bono! I am very happy about this. I know it's a "routine" procedure, and everything will be fine, but in reality you just never know. The last thing I want is something to happen to me and my oldest DD have to go live with her sperm donor. That would ruin her. I need to get papers drawn up and have him sign away his rights (his idea!). Maybe I can discuss this with Nancy when I go see her next week! X ur fingers. I am very excited to get this done and over with, yet more and more scared as the day draws closer. We sat DD1 down last night and explained most of whats going on, and she took it really well. I asked her again this morning if she had any questions, and she said not yet, so we will see. Gotta go fix dinner. Hopefully more tomorrow.! Dont forget to check out www.cancerlost.blogspot.com, a blog I follow. Very good stuff there, most useful info!

So today was pretty much quiet, thank god. I started out this morning by going to to the Central Virginia Food Bank. Every year, they have a "Pack a Thon". Teams from local businesses come in and compete to see how many lbs of food they can sort, box, and place on pallets in a 2 hr time frame. I competed 2 years ago, and would have last year had I not already had my Vegas trip planned. This year, we boxed just over 6000 lbs! It averaged out to 553lbs per person! We did a great job, and I am sure the Phillip Morris teams will win again this year, but that isn't why I do it. My mom, who I can't afford to help, receives donations from a local church, and I see how grateful she is for the help. I know that especially with our current economy, it could just as easily be my family needing the help. If I can get in there and help in even the smallest measure, I have done something! Also, it is good to see people from all different departments at work come together for a good cause. I am extremely tired now from it, but at least I wasn't one of the ones walking around holding my back this afternoon! I am going to bed, more tomorrow! Hopefully I will get a call to schedule my surgery! Cross your fingers..................

Bad me

OK, so I was kinda busy this weekend. Don't shoot. I went back to the Dr this morning, and he confirmed that my best option for treatment was to have a hysterectomy. My tainted little cervix has not only CID III cells, but also a more aggressive nasty batch of glandular cells that will surely spread throughout my body if not removed. Now, myself as the patient, I think I have to see the good that can come from this. That means that I tell myself to look at the bright side. No more periods, no more birth control, all new unstained underwear. At least I have 2 beautiful kids, and at least they caught it early. But there is a part of me that wants to bitch smack the next person that tells me "no fair! no more periods, you make me sick. You were done having kids anyway!" Let me see here, periods vs cancer. I'll take periods for $1000 Alex! What a dumb bunch of twits for lack of a better word! Only I can say whether I am lucky or not, it's My cervix and MY cancer. Back off. Also, for those of you who want to say "I'm sorry" and then get pissy with me when I say it's OK or thanks. WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY?????? I didn't ask for this any more than you caused it, so sorry isn't really the thing to say any more than some crappy answer I give you back. That said, I do really appreciate the concern and prayers. Just send cards/flowers/gifts when I have surgery, and don't act like nothing is wrong.

OK, so day 2. I read lots of cool info on the blog of "I kicked cancers ass", which was part of my reason for starting this blog. On September 5th, I had my yearly girly exam. No big deal. a week later, I get a phone call from the nurse. The pathologist said my cells weren't abnormal, but they weren't normal either, so they went ahead and tested me for HPV, and it came back positive. Now I needed to come in for a Colposcopy. This showed that my cells were "questionable" though my gyno didn't feel concerned with what he saw. So next, I was scheduled for a Cone Biopsy. On my husbands birthday, October 20th, I had the procedure. I was told everything went well, and sent home with pain meds. By Wednesday morning, my gyno called me. His first question was how in love was I with my uterus. I not only showed squamous cells, but also glandular dysplasia. According to my Doc, this was very rare. Leave it to me to screw up good! So here I sit with a ton of questions and an appointment on Monday to ask and schedule my gutting/hysterectomy. I am a normal person, so I am dealing with the normal feelings. Confused, scared, unshaken, stressed, calm, ect. Stay tuned..........

Welcome All

Hello, and welcome to As It Is. This is my first blog, so be gentle and patient. I will learn as I go. This will be my forum for opinions and observations, as well as my outlet for everything going on in my crazy a** so called life. Hence the As It Is title, cause I am taking life As It Is. I am a 30 yr old mother of 2 wonderfully crazy daughters, 5 and 11. My sweety and I have been married since 2002. Two dogs, one cat, one ferret, and a few fishies. I enjoy hockey, UFC, tigger, Jack Skelington, scrapbooking, and I love TONS of movies.